It was one idle afternoon when I began to notice a dusty old journal on the shelf. I decided to take a look and realized it was my journal a year ago. Written on its first page was this,

“Journey with God – No matter how smooth or how rough this day, God is with you each step of the way.”

I began to scan and saw how bad my penmanship was, hehe! While reading the first ten pages, I noticed I was writing about someone whose name I didn’t mention for fear that somebody else would find my notes and read it. Unfortunately, now I forgot who I’ve been writing about, haha! I smiled and laughed at my own story.

One thing I like about personal journals is the way I can look at myself in the past, the reflection it gives me when I read it at present, and the lessons it teaches me for the future. I wrote my journal for the purpose of knowing myself better and keeping track of my own maturity, especially on the spiritual aspect. Have I improved? Have I succeeded? Have I done what I ought to do? Have I followed what was called for me to do?

I preferably call it “my prayer journal” because it entirely contained my prayers each day. Pages are full of letters addressed to God. I have one journal for each year and for each year, I noticed, I had one kind of person that I was. It tells me how I have been the previous years.

I smiled while reading carefully from the pages of my 2014 journal.  Flashbacks came in and I realized how deep and sincere I was while writing on those pages. I was longing, asking and waiting, but at the end, the answer was “No”.  How disappointed had I been, but, looking back at it now, I am glad God didn’t say “Yes”.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” Jeremiah 29:11

Sometimes, my prayer might not have been inclined to God’s will. However, I still believe that God was listening. That moment when I just poured out all of my heart’s content, I may not have received the answer I was expecting. It was enough though to make myself feel relieved and then contented. Seeing how I have committed everything to God, relying on His mighty hand and clinging on His promises, I feel thankful to God by all the grace He gave. It was by my Lord Jesus’ example that I learned to always say, “Not my will but Thine...”